'These are the sounds of the wickedness, music bliss, yeah, gonna bring it to ya like this......

Whatever happened to the Northern Alliance, I wonder? Couldn't get them off the TV at the end of last year. Perhaps this explains it.

(That might be just me doing a very bad County Durham accent.)

Once more risking the wrath of Dan, I'm delighted to say that Shakira popped in for a coffee this morning. She said she was going for the 'Man United supporting terrorist look.' I think she did it quite well. See what you think.

She even did a little music number for me, and I'm thinking of making it into a series. So here is the first SecondPrize unplugged set!!!

Shakira.

I am really, really, really, REALLY bored today.
  • Current Music
    Play - Moby

'In a word.....pleasure. My pleasure in other people's leisure.'

Bon soir, mes amis.

Okay, first of all, something that I noticed just now watching MTV. Something has made me uneasy about Shakira ever since I first saw her strutting her somewhat limited talents whilst in Canada, and now it's struck me. Check this out. See that incisor? She's a vampire, fer crying out loud!!! Sleeps by day, sucks the blood from the music industry by night.

"Underneath your clothes, there's a dreadful secret....."

I *do* hope everyone stocked up with garlic and crucifixes when the MTV music awards were on. Would have been carnage otherwise, massive bereavement.

On a lighter note, interview/signing on hell is over for this week. I've no idea how I did, so let's just assume I ballsed the whole thing. A round of applause should go to my home town of Warrington, for having the most public places which stink of piss in the entire country. Quite an achievement, I think you'll agree.

Moving swiftly on. I didn't know about this. They're breeding. I weep for the future.

"The tide is high, but I'm holding on.
We're going to drown to cheer up everyone."

Bought a very funky pair of shoes the other day which I'm very happy to say sliced my feet up a treat yesterday.I may even take a picture and show you, should you care even 3%.

Still job hunting *sigh*
  • Current Music
    The Proximity Effect - Nada Surf

Eels meet again.....

Hehe, Dan has such great ESP.

I'm disappearing for a few days, but fear not merry troops, I shall return by the middle/end of the week.
  • Current Music
    Going Underground - The Jam, natch.

'Coz she got Dickie Davies eyes.....'

Quite.

I like the last night of the proms, despite the people who go and watch it, etc. The music is fun and fulfills my classical music oil drum for the next 12 months. Goes back to very very old memories of being baby-sat by a classical music crazy, half mad Welshman. True story.

Couldn't move for people in M'cr today, forgot that Oasis were playing at Old Trafford. Odd to think I've seen them at least 3 times more often than any other band and yet I haven't played one of their records in what seems like years. One moves on, I suppose. They should never have sacked Bonehead, he was the only musician I ever looked like (apart from slight Beck Hansen similarities during long hair years.)

Now officially in the 'bricking it' zone for interviews on Monday and Tuesday *sigh* Fingers crossed for Manchester Uni job on Tuesday, okay? 'Giz a job, I can do that.....'

John Cole, circa 1992 :

'John Major would have a number of options available to him if he was to take on Helmut Kohl in a fight. He could nut him. He could put in a number of punches to the body and hope he'd done enough. Perhaps most impressively of all, he could just stand there, beckoning him with his hands and saying 'Come on then, you fat old Nazi.' By the way, I could have Brian Walden. I could!'

And then, a few hours later, after chucking out time.

'It's a quarter past midnight, I'm bevvied up, and I'm standing here outside Brian Walden's house. Are you coming out of there, muppet mouth??? Call yourself a political analyst? No-one can understand a word you say!'

I think maybe I've veered off my point here. C'est la vie.

I'm tired, so I think bed would be a good idea.
  • Current Music
    Dog Man Star - Suede

'You've got to keep it up now, there you go....'

....all linked to that 'Come hither' look over the shoulder. Cor.

I've dropped 900 chuffing places on Celebdaq. 900!!!! How is this possible? I can feel a hate crime coming on. Going from #184 to #1091 has left me literally smacked of gob.

On a completely unrelated subject, I hate real life for impeding on my dreams. Blah.

'Kicking squealing Gucci little piggy.....'
  • Current Music
    OK Computer - Radiohead

May I introduce secondprize. He's like telling a lesbian she just hasn't met the right man yet....

Well, LJ ate my witty Atomic Kitten expose, so that'll have to wait until tomorrow, simply can't be scunnered writing it again, c'est soir mes amis.

Today was paint. Tomorrow is drinks and chats with DJ in old Manchester town. I'd have 'Social Butterfly' tattooed on my arse, if it didn't already say 'Bucks Fizz kick to kill'.

God, I was the coolest kid in the first year infants.
  • Current Music
    Bagsy Me - The Wannadies

Please Jim, will you fix it for me....ya senile auld git....

Okay, listen up dudes, this is *sort of* important.

Those of you lucky(!?!) enough to have BBC4 (it's one of those digital channel efforts) should set their video for 22:50 c'est soir for a film by the name of 'La Reine Margot'. Please trust me on this, your life will be richer for having seen this film.

In my humble opinion, Isabelle Adjani is the most attractive being of any gender or species alive. And she's in this film!!! Go St Bartholomew's Day massacre of 1572!

And okay, she was in Ishtar too. But I've forgiven her for that, and I think you all should too.

Yes, right, that's enough plugging on behalf of good TV for one day....
  • Current Music
    Trailer Park - Beth Orton

(no subject)

I'm currently a tired cat, hence very little chat, closely folled by bed.

Been one of those curious rainy-and-so-I-did-nothing days. I'm thinking about contract killing for employment. You know the name, you know the number, dudes, I'm your man.

Bedtimes *yawn* G'night :)
  • Current Music
    Surrender - The Chemical Brothers

(no subject)

Aaaaah to hell with it, I can't keep up the pretence any longer. I'm Beyonce Knowles and I'm off for a few rum and Cokes with Kelly and Michelle.

Itchy and Scratchy come walking down the alley....

Hell's teeth, no updates for days! I truly am a bad journal keeper. Forgive me, Father, for I have sinned....

Today was wallpapering my future cousin's nursery with my future brother in law. Now....I want to paint a picture in your head here....I want you to imagine an episode of Chucklevision with the guys wallpapering a room. Now imagine that Barry has motor neurone disease and Paul has Tourette's syndrome, and you basically have my day. Been an effing cracker, as you can probably imagine.

Remember that rude word I said at the job centre? I said it lots today. Quite loudly at times. I could bleach my mouth and it wouldn't do any good......

Something I have been thinking about for a few weeks now has been brought back to my attention from someone I quite like. The issue is personal anniversaries, or days that mean stuff to you...I'm going out on a limb here and declaring that they're a bad thing. I quote Minnie Driver (as ever, name the film and win a prize!):

Debi - "Everybody's coming back to take stock of their lives. You know what I say? Leave your livestock alone."

I hate myself for knowing significant dates in my past....it's just another reminder that I'm nowhere nearer.

I promise I didn't mean to make this such a downer when I started. I'll take a diet smoking break to re-consider.

And back. Still in a particularly dim frame of mind, if I'm being honest.

What I am basically trying to say is that I'm currently in a pitched battle betwixt past and future, and I swear, some days I don't know which is winning. Memory loss is an answer I think, but since the chemical solution is no longer big or clever, does that mean I have to resort to rendering myself blows around the head and neck with a steel pipe? Maybe I should be stripped of my existence and someone else be given a chance, perhaps without my endless self-assessment and with a an opportunity to live without a forehead you could land a 747 on.

Perhaps I'm just thinking about things too much.

One last quote to end, and if you're still stuck on the film, I'll make it easy for you:

Debi: "Where are all the good men dead, in the heart or in the head?"
  • Current Music
    Melody AM - Royksopp